Live. Love. Laugh.

As a granddoughter of a soldier, a Communistic soldier you could imagine that my life was strickt. But you would be wrong. I went to Christian school, and choir, I was every Sunday in church. How? My granddad fought for non existance of it. We lived in the same house, with my parents and sister who was also a Christian. One day after my class he was on the balcony watching me passing the street on zebra. 

'Did you learn anything knew?' he kissed me in the forhead 'I did papa. Listen, today teacher asked wich is our saint, I didn't know. The other kids laughed at me.' 'That's because we don't celebrate it. You know who I am.' 'Then why do you let us go to church?' 'Sit in my lap baby. The story goes many years ago, I was a child just like you. I was in the field playing with goats and some very bad people came and killed my family. There was no God to save them. I was alone. The war was leaving dead bodies everywhere, and no one heard my prayers. Now I am an old man, and if that God of yours really excists, I would appriciate you praying for my soul because I will be very hot upstairs. You are not me baby girl. You make your own ideals, you choose what to believe. I would be a bad grandpa if I tell you what to believe. Even so, maybe I was just a bad boy and I didn't deserve for my prayers to be heard. Don't let anyone make you. Create your little world with your believes and ideals and remember, no one can tell you whats wrong or right If you heart tells you the truth.'

Few years after, papa got sick, all he wanted was to see me and a priest. In the evening doctor called to say that papa died. On the funeral twenty soldiers were standing next to the priest with triggers shooting in the sky, commemorating to the Officer of the First class. Everyone left and I stood there next to his grave angry for not seeing him on his last day. Priest came and hugged me 'don't cry. he will be just fine.' 'he will go to hell, he didn't believe.' he smiled ' Even I tought that. I don't know If this meens anything to you, but he did say that his job was done. When I asked him if he is regreting any of his sins he said no, I would've done it again, but I am proud of one thing. She is clear as a tear. You know, she is one hell of a girl. I took care of her in her life she will take care of mine when I'm gone. 'Are you sorry for your sins?' 'No, no I'm not.' but his tear watered the pillow.

Yes, yes he was.  He was a soldier who believed.

Dodju dani kad ti fali. Da budemo realni, meni uvijek nesto fali. Kad fali puno to je dobro, jer svaljujes sve na svoju razmazenost. Kad fali malo, onda boli. Boli sto to malo nemas. Ja znam kako boli jer ja nikada nisam imala sve. Ili nista il ponesto. Lijepo je kad nemas nista, naucis da to nista je tvoje trenutno sve. Kad imas ponesto hoces vise. Kad vec stigoh dovde sto ne bih jos malo? Zato! Zato jer si tu stigao kako ne valja, i to ti je luce previse. Kad bi brali sve cvjetove sa polja ostao bi korov. Nikome on mio ne bi bio. Sve sto si ubrao uvenuce pred tvojim ocima jer da bi se nesto rodilo drugo mora umrijeti. Znao si to. Dzaba zalivas korov iz njega miris ne ide. Cuvaj ono svoje nista. Milije je to nego tudje sve. Jer znas... uvenuce. Sve vene. Pa i mi. 

'Let's be true.You are not a saint. I know who you are. The problem is that you are too young to know who you are.' 'Why don't you tell me?' 'No.' 'Daddy, please.' 'If I tell you... you'll be afraid.' ' But then I'll know. I will control it.' 'You won't. Let's say, someone slaps you in the face...' 'Who?' 'Does it matter?' ' Yes daddy, If it's someone I love I will turn another cheek' if it's not then I assume I deserved it.' 'Liar. You wouldn't.' He smiled. He knew. He had to. He was all I've got.He looked me right in the eyes and read me as a book. 'You know, I love the fact that you would't turn another cheek. I love even more the fact that you would use your words to fight this war. I love I made a lady! A lady who knows what deserves and won't accept anything less.' He lighted a cigarette and looked at the sky. He adored stars. 'Promise me.' 'I do.' 'But silly you don't know what.' Then he strongly smiled, the way I always see him in my eyes. It was true, I could do anything for that man. He was my Sun and my Star but never a cloud. He was the snow and a morning dew but never a stormy rain. 'Promise me you'll save that daring kid in you. Promise me you'll never take less then you deserve. Promise you'll never turn another cheek.' 

'I promise daddy.  Then you have to make a promise.' ' Shoot.' 'You have to stay forever.' 'No, I don't. I need to stay as long as you need me, and you are a strong little girl who still doesn't fall asleep until I kiss her in the forhead. But you know what? If I go, I will go peacefuly. And you will stay, to keep that promise. Now go to bed, and when I come I want you in your pajama in the your bed. Not Dijana's. Comprende baby girl?'

'Comprende capitano!'